an unthinkable reality

october, specifically the 15th, is pregnancy & infant loss awareness month.  given my two perfectly healthy children, this subject is so difficult for me to talk about.  but i don't want this month to go by without saying something about this subject that is, heartrendingly, a reality for so many people.

at 6wks pregnant with my second child we were convinced i had miscarried.  all of the signs were there.  we were shocked when we went in for an ultrasound and the technician pointed out a heartbeat.  isn't that crazy that at 6wks old you could already detect a heartbeat?!  i was stunned and so, so thankful that the unthinkable had, in fact, not happened. peter leon was born on march 29th, a perfectly healthy baby boy.



i often think about how i felt the night i thought i had miscarried, the pain and emotion was unlike anything else i had ever felt before. i couldn't stop sobbing and saying "that was my baby!" over and over again.  that was just 24hrs. of my life. how do the parents that have actually lost a child live with that for the rest of their lives?  oh, how my heart aches for those of you that have actually gone through this horrible event. if that is what i felt during that short amount of time, i can't even imagine the pain you must go through on a daily basis due to the loss of your precious child(ren).  the thought of losing one of my children is just too difficult for me to comprehend; the strength you have in order to keep going is astounding.

i don't know why God would allow this to happen to anyone and i know that saying "everything happens for a reason" is not what you want to hear. but I hope that it gives you some peace & comfort to know that you and your angel baby(s), are being prayed for by myself & so many others, especially during this month. on October 15th i'll be lighting a candle  at 7pm in remembrance of those precious souls.  my deepest condolences, love and prayers to all of you mothers & fathers. you amaze me.

~amy